Out of Body Experiences

Today I worked with the beautiful and stubborn and sensitive Elijah.  I say worked but basically I did not have what I needed to communicate with a horse this morning.  I had to be talked through some of the most basic moves, how to stand tall and have intent.  Where to place myself in relation to the horse.  What to do when he refused my hopes.  I can't just pull on a rope and have an enormous horse, feet planted solidly, come along.  So this is why many people have small dogs.  Brawn doesn't cut it with a horse.

After leading Elijah toward the paddock I stopped and he squared off perpendicular to our direction.  I could not think my way out of this situation.  Karen showed and reminded me of the maneuver we had done while driving inside the arena.  You come to a halt, shift the rope, guide to the opposite side, and then here, guide back into proper alignment.  She managed it without a hitch.  I did not, no surprise.

I was just a shallow word-bound human today, suffering head congestion, little energy and no presence.  It was embarrassing how clueless I had become today both in remembering what I had learned, and being able to convey my wishes, physicality, commands.  Maybe twice today I made good moves that were understood.  It was as if I forgot how to give time for Elijah to read my wishes, and I forgot certainly how to read his.

We were in a road-neighboring corral and there were many distractions.  But I know that today it was my distraction that was leading to this hilarious circumstance of a human and a horse in the same ring, tethered to each other but miles apart.  If anything Elijah was a mirror, of my distraction, my small posture and presence, my confusion.  Oh well.  There is value in knowing those states that one can enter that fail to translate, that cannot translate, to another species.  I can only imagine what thoughts went through Elijah's head.  I fear the main one was extreme boredom.

I have vowed to myself to not drink wine (not even one glass) the night before a horse time session.  I ascribe my dullness to that and look forward to a better day next week.  Learning each and every day– about myself as much as anything else.